L.A._Narcissist

Last night was my second class with the ladies. It was a struggle to rally because I was really tired from a very long Thanksgiving Day. I showed up at the house and everyone else was in the same mood. Mama was laying on the couch, in a Snuggie watching tv. She actually looked very comfortable in her Snuggie. I have scoffed at Snuggies in the passed but now I am rethinking my elite attitude and might one day jump on the Snuggie band wagon. Maybe.

Anyway, we all got in the kitchen finally and started cooking. I decided to teach them to make sucotash. Sucotash is so easy. It’s a seasonal dish celebrating the tastes of summer with a basic combination of squash, tomatoes and corn. I know it’s not summer but it’s a good way to enjoy veggies even if they are not at the pinnacle of summer freshness.

I showed them how to dice zucchini and off they went. I was focusing on heating up the skillet when everything got really loud in the kitchen. I turned around and Blondie and Mama were teasing each other…with knives. Actually they weren’t teasing with the knives. Mama was tickling Blondie with a knife in her hand. And then Mama announced sheepishly that she hadn’t taken her medication that day. The house mother shot bullets at her with her eyes and asked, “You didn’t? You didn’t take your medication?” I decided not to open this line of questioning up for discussion and loudly announced it was time to add the zucchini to our skillet.

It turned into quite a raucous evening. I’m assuming that was in part because Mama didn’t take her medication. She started chasing people around the house, sans knife, tickling them and starting play fights. The ladies were acting just like little girls. I thought, if this is what she’s like not on medication what’s the big deal. But I did not voice my opinion.

At one point during the chaos Tough Chick said “When I’m not on medication I don’t talk about people. I’m nicer.” And I asked, “when you’re not on medication do you think you’re more yourself?” Her response was interesting, “No, when I’m just myself I’m not nice. I’m just normal.”

Drugs have such a profound effect on our points of view of ourselves. I think it’s possible that we become very unaware of who we actually are when we are on drugs. We lose track of our baseline selves. And that loss can be very dangerous when we are trying to make moral decisions about what is good for us. I believe this is true for all drugs. Even the “good” ones. This is my personal opinion. I do believe these women are in need of mental stabilization and maybe at this point drugs are the fastest way to effect that stabilization.

Back to the chaos. We finished making the sucotash and I showed them how to make a yummy post-thanksgiving sandwich: the everything sandwich. Every family, including theirs, has their own take on this sandwich. I showed them mine and demanded they make it my way lol. I didn’t quite demand. I pleaded that they just try it. I got this idea from a restaurant I worked at for a few months over the summer called Tavern in Brentwood. It’s owned by Caroline Styne, an old friend of mine, and her partner, chef Suzanne Goin. This sandwich is really popular there and quite delicious. My version was simply: whole wheat bread, mayonnaise, turkey, stuffing (yes, on the sandwich) and cranberry sauce (yes, on the sandwich). It was very delish and everyone, for the most part enjoyed it.

So finally we all sat down and ate. Actually, they have this funny habit of everyone starting to eat at different times. They don’t wait for each other and all eat together. I’m going to have to change that. So we ate and we all went around the room and said what we were grateful for. I didn’t get to experience that at Thanksgiving and I think that’s really the only thing that saves this holiday from falling into a completely dysfunctional, sloth-fest of excess and unchecked, indulgent greed. But that’s just me.

It was really lovely to hear these women talk about what they were grateful for. Everyone, to a woman, was grateful for a brand new start in life. Mama was grateful for her sobriety and her kids. John Wayne was grateful for this home. Little Bird was grateful for these cooking classes and Blondie said she was grateful for food. Finally we got to Tough Chick. She said she was grateful for her children and for the peace and quiet she experiences in this home. No ghetto birds, no sirens, no yelling, no violence.

last week when I began reading the book The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. It’s a book about resistance and how resistance stands in the way of getting anything done and how to beat down resistance into a bloody pulp. It’s a great book and I highly recommend it.

Anyway, I started reading it and it’s like my body was just waiting for me to pick up this book because after reading the first several chapters my body went into overdrive getting things done that I have been putting off for years!

One of the things that I have been wanting to do for years is volunteer. I have done various charity events and have donated to this and that cause but I have never taken on the commitment of showing up somewhere every week and being accountable to someone. It always scared the shit out of me because I am a perfectionist and if I can’t do something perfectly I better not even try. Also, being committed to something day in and day out always filled me with fear and dread that I would be bored, I’d have to deal with uncomfortable feelings, etc. But I have finally taken the plunge. I have finally beat resistance down to a bloody pulp.

Last week I called the Mary Magdalene Project which is a home for women trying to get off the streets and out of prostitution. I asked if I could volunteer my services as a chef and teach these women cooking classes once a week. They immediately set up a meeting for me and the Program Director. We had a great meeting. She is a lovely woman and she loved my idea. We had our meeting on Monday of this week, Nov 16th, and I taught my first class last night.

I have a class of five women so far; Blondie, Tough Chick, John Wayne, Mama and Little Bird. I have given them nicknames for this blog in order to protect their identities. They each have very dynamic personalities and are at different stages of sobriety and staying clean from prostitution.

I was really nervous about my first class. I didn’t know if they’d like it, if they would beat me up or what. At first only Little Bird was really excited about the class. She was really helpful and said how grateful she was that I was there and was really looking forward to the class. Blondie started rounding people up and then disappeared for a while. Tough Chick sat on the couch and said she wasn’t that interested in the class and Mama and John Wayne finally rolled in. Touch Chick eventually showed up because everyone else was in the kitchen. Tough Chick didn’t really want to participate so I didn’t push her. But everyone else got pretty enthusiastic. I started off by telling them about my experiences as a chef and how I started cooking and told them what we were going to make that evening: personal pizzas, grilled zucchini and a big green salad. They liked the idea of pizza and were not at all into the zucchini. I pushed on, undaunted.

I taught them the proper technique for cutting and made them chop a whole bunch of onions. We made our pizzas and grilled up the zucchini and they loved it! Even Mama who was not going to eat it at all had some, decided she liked it and had some more! I was so proud of that. We all sat down and ate and laughed. Well, we laughed because I was trying to be conversational and stumbled into delicate territory. I looked over at Tough Chick and asked what one of her tattoos meant. She said it represented what gang she had been in and I said, unwittingly, “Oh cool.” People sort of snickered and mocked me, “oh cool!” Like they were saying: that’s so cool to be in a gang? I don’t think so, naive white chick. And I sheepishly started to laugh at myself, getting that I was being an idiot and then they laughed at me. And then I laughed a little more and said, “So, great dinner.” And then they laughed harder and we all cracked up. And that’s when Tough Chick softened. It was a great moment and it really broke the ice.

After dinner some of the girls went outside to smoke and John Wayne and Little Bird and I sat in the kitchen and talked. It was the moment I had been waiting for, to feel like a family.

My proudest moment: getting them all to eat zucchini and they loved it! They smothered everything, including the pizza, in ranch dressing but they ate zucchini! Next week I’m teaching to make Balsamic Vinaigrette.

Check out my recipe for personal pizzas…